Why won't my kids listen unless I yell?
Children frequently ignore requests until parents escalate their tone, creating a stressful cycle of tension and outbursts. This dynamic often leaves kids feeling scolded by any form of correction while trapping parents in a reactive pattern of raised voices just to get basic compliance.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Validating the underlying hurt or disappointment instead of arguing over semantics
- 2Apologizing for getting loud or being firm while maintaining the boundary
- 3Asking the child for examples to correct misunderstandings and teaching proper vocabulary
- 4Ignoring the comment and letting the child express their feelings before moving on
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My problem is she will take some space, cry about it, pout whatever… and come back and say something like “I didn’t like it when you yelled at me” 🥲 when I never did.”source ↗
“Lately I find them completely out of control. They just do not listen.”source ↗
“It seems like only when we are borderline yelling do they do what we ask.”source ↗
“Her tantrums also get very physical which is getting harder as she gets older.”source ↗
“My 9 year old is very sensitive, it sounds like your daughter may be too. He counts being told not to do something as "getting in trouble". It doesn't even have to be said sternly.”source ↗
“As a kid, I would refer to any discipline as "yelling at me" even though my parents rarely yelled. If they corrected me, saying they didn't actually yell, I'd roll my eyes and say "fine, scolded"”source ↗
“My 5 (nearly 6) year old still does this, more often aimed at her dad/my partner. He does get very firm, sometimes loud. He rarely yells.”source ↗
“Honestly, I do the same thing as her lol. If anyone ever says “can you not do that” I’ll say they yelled at me. I don’t mean they literally raised their voice. I just mean they corrected me in some way.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2Non-religious parent whose kid wants to go to church
- 4Why do I lecture my child instead of comforting them?
- 4Preschooler refusing to follow rules and leaving the classroom
- 3Why does my kindergartener hate reading and shut down?
- 4How to motivate kids to read books
- 7How to handle chores when your toddler demands attention