How to stop being too overbearing in my child's relationships
Parents often push too hard by trying to fix problems or reacting emotionally to pushback when their child asks for advice. This overinvolvement hurts the relationship and leads to intense regret and spiraling. Stepping back requires learning to listen instead of trying to solve everything.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1giving a sincere apology for overstepping and backing off
- 2learning to just listen instead of trying to fix things or give unsolicited advice
- 3creating a safe space for the child to share feelings at their own pace
- 4setting emotional boundaries to decouple the parent's feelings from the child's social life
- 5Letting her come to you rather than inserting yourself into the relationship
- 6Offering a place for her and the kids to stay
- 7Remaining a safe person for her to vent to without directly criticizing her partner
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“She has told me not once has he woken up in the night since they’ve been born. Not once has he taken a day off when she’s been sick to help — and he runs his own business, so he easily could.”source ↗
“She has told me many times how stressed and overwhelmed she is because he doesn’t do anything to help her.”source ↗
“I’m also afraid that if I come out and say, “I’m concerned about him,” she’ll immediately defend him and potentially stop confiding in me.”source ↗
“I’d hate to damage our relationship or make her feel like she can’t come to me, especially if she ever does decide that she needs help.”source ↗
“I have the same problem with giving advice because we want to fix the problem for them but I’ve had to learn that sometimes they just want someone to listen.”source ↗
“I fucked it up by being too overbearing and too involved.”source ↗
“Sometimes, when I give her advice, I feel like I get worked up when she gives me attitude and pushback especially after she asked me for the advice.”source ↗
“Anyway I’m just hurting right now, I feel like shit, and I’m spiraling pretty hard.”source ↗
Where this came up
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