How to stop being too overbearing in my child's relationships
Parents often push too hard by trying to fix problems or reacting emotionally to pushback when their child asks for advice. This overinvolvement hurts the relationship and leads to intense regret and spiraling. Stepping back requires learning to listen instead of trying to solve everything.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1giving a sincere apology for overstepping and backing offDid this help you?
- 2learning to just listen instead of trying to fix things or give unsolicited adviceDid this help you?
- 3creating a safe space for the child to share feelings at their own paceDid this help you?
- 4setting emotional boundaries to decouple the parent's feelings from the child's social lifeDid this help you?
- 5Letting her come to you rather than inserting yourself into the relationshipDid this help you?
- 6Offering a place for her and the kids to stayDid this help you?
- 7Remaining a safe person for her to vent to without directly criticizing her partnerDid this help you?
- 8Listening to them vent while ignoring toxic behaviorsDid this help you?
- 9Coming to their aid and helping sort things out after a blowupDid this help you?
- 10Considering ultimatums like cutting off financial supportDid this help you?
- 11Leaving the situation alone and letting the child handle itDid this help you?
- 12Giving the child space to report back if neededDid this help you?
- 13Empowering the child to build resilience instead of contacting the schoolDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“She has told me not once has he woken up in the night since they’ve been born. Not once has he taken a day off when she’s been sick to help — and he runs his own business, so he easily could.”source ↗
“She has told me many times how stressed and overwhelmed she is because he doesn’t do anything to help her.”source ↗
“I’m also afraid that if I come out and say, “I’m concerned about him,” she’ll immediately defend him and potentially stop confiding in me.”source ↗
“I’d hate to damage our relationship or make her feel like she can’t come to me, especially if she ever does decide that she needs help.”source ↗
“Do I leave it?”source ↗
“I absolutely don't want to be overbearing and give son space to come to me like he has but he's still so young in my eyes and don't want him to feel upset or hurt.”source ↗
“I have the same problem with giving advice because we want to fix the problem for them but I’ve had to learn that sometimes they just want someone to listen.”source ↗
“My young adult daughter (21) has been in an on and off extremely toxic relationship.”source ↗
“They are currently broken up and she swears this is the last time. I want to do my part to make sure they are done for good.”source ↗
“What do I do to encourage her to not get back with him this time?”source ↗
“I fucked it up by being too overbearing and too involved.”source ↗
“Sometimes, when I give her advice, I feel like I get worked up when she gives me attitude and pushback especially after she asked me for the advice.”source ↗
“Anyway I’m just hurting right now, I feel like shit, and I’m spiraling pretty hard.”source ↗
Where this came up
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