My manager gossips about my coworkers to me
Supervisors avoid direct conversations by claiming the situation is too confusing and complex. Instead, they vent and gossip about team members to other employees to build alliances. This creates a toxic environment where managers throw staff under the bus rather than addressing their performance.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- People have been saying this in most months since August 2026.
- This comes up 593.2× more often in r/careerguidance than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Asking managers what they hope to achieve from the conversationDid this help you?
- 2Coaching managers on how to approach and talk to the problem employee directlyDid this help you?
- 3Asking managers if they have spoken to the team member about the issueDid this help you?
- 4Refusing to solve the problem for them and redirecting them to talk to the employeeDid this help you?
- 5Practicing 'grey rocking' to become emotionally unreactive and distantDid this help you?
- 6Refusing to participate in the gossip, even if it means becoming an outsiderDid this help you?
- 7Guarding information and no longer confiding in close coworkersDid this help you?
- 8Planning an exit strategy and quietly applying for other jobsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Them: I just don’t know what to do, this is so confusing and complex! Me: have you tried talking to them about this? Them: I just don’t know what to do, this is so confusing and complex!”source ↗
“I found out from another employee that our manager (who is still fairly new to the company) has basically been gossiping about other members on our team. ... Is this a big red flag or just a common corporate toxic environment?”source ↗
“Yes, we got someone like this and they end up also using other manager's venting to their advantage for promotions. Anything you say to that person ends up everywhere and that is how these people try to get allies but they won't hesitate to throw you under the bus the moment it will benefit them.”source ↗
“I literally had the same thing happen in the span of 3 weeks that this toxic manager became close with my manager and gets to call the shots now, while anything I do or say is overlooked or downplayed. The only way to describe this is a shitshow.”source ↗
“This happens at my work every day. I swear it's a bunch of miserable women that bring their shitty attitudes to work. My supervisor was telling me in my first week there about my co-worker that couldn't do her job. It's gross.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 5How do I deal with non-technical managers and constant interruptions?
- 4Why do employees lack initiative and need constant hand-holding?
- 16Why can't employees ever use the self service portal?
- 2Why does my manager's communication keep flipping?
- 4How to handle clients ghosting during project discussions
- 6What to do when hired contractors stop communicating