What to say when family makes comments about a baby's size or looks
Relatives often make unwanted physical or gender-based comments about a newborn's appearance or size. Mothers worry that children will absorb these remarks and internalize insecurities as they grow older, but silence can be more effective than witty comebacks when dealing with insensitive family members.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Thinking ahead of time about how to respond to potential comments
- 2Smiling and saying she gets her size from her parents
- 3Ignoring the comment completely and letting the awkwardness hang in the air
- 4Mentioning that the doctor says the child is healthy and doing great
- 5Using lighthearted phrases like 'She's travel size - like me!'
- 6Redirecting the conversation to a hobby or another topic
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My question here is when we go back home, or anytime in general, what do I say to people who comment on her size?”source ↗
“Because she is 3 1/2 and DOES UNDERSTAND a lot of what adults are saying and I do not want her to have to carry that.”source ↗
“My fear is one day she will ask me why she is so “small” or “tiny”. I do not want this thought to even be considered by her.”source ↗
“I have dealt with this personally my entire life. I fantacize saying all these witty, gotcha style combacks that shame the other person... but the best thing ive done is literally not respond.”source ↗
“I’m bracing myself and trying to think of how I’d want to respond to that if he does say it. Or some other type of gender based physical comment on looks.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 8Baby cries hysterically whenever I put them down
- 8How to address an inappropriate coworker without causing drama
- 44How to handle disrespectful student micro-aggressions and boundary-crossing
- 2Why does my child get angry when I praise them?
- 3Why can't I figure out my newborn's cues?
- 3Why do strangers think it's okay to touch my toddler?