When kids use logic and consequences to blackmail parents
Young children are learning behavior management strategies and turning them around to threaten or blackmail their parents with conditions like withholding affection or cooperation. This leaves parents dealing with constant defiance, anxious about how others view their child's bossy behavior, and unsure how to respond.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Not acknowledging the threats
- 2Holding the line and accepting the consequence without changing behavior
- 3Explaining the difference between punishments and natural consequences
- 4Explaining that there is no wrong way or that different people do/say different things
- 5Ignoring the behavior or stopping engagement
- 6Treating it as a difference of opinion rather than insisting on the truth
- 7Engaging in child-led play where the child can be the leader
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“she's started to turn it back on us and threaten consequences if we don't do what she wants.”source ↗
“she really did follow through with withdrawing a goodbye on her way to school the next day.”source ↗
“She's started pulling this kind of thing out ALL the time. If you don't let me x then I'm not doing y with you.”source ↗
“Our 4 year old has entered a phase where she is always correcting adults and it ia becoming a bit tiresome. I am not sure how to always handle and wonder what you guys respond in these types of situations.”source ↗
“My almost 5 year old has phases where he has to be right and it drives me absolutely insane.”source ↗
“I am just getting worried people will stat finding her annoying if she doesn't calm it down a tad.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 7What to do when your 7-year-old defies teachers and disrupts class
- 9Why does my child behave at school but act out at home?
- 2How to handle a child who has to win every game
- 7Preschooler refusing to follow rules and leaving the classroom
- 26How to handle biting and hitting in toddlers
- 8Why does my toddler only want me when I'm around?