How to stop constant sibling fighting
Separating kids often fails to stop the near-constant physical fights and refereeing that leave parents at their wits' end. The immediate challenge is ensuring the younger child faces consequences for instigating while teaching the older one to control their newfound strength. Ultimately, parents fear this dynamic will breed long-term resentment between their children or repeat cycles of violence from their own childhoods.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
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How to stop constant sibling fighting
- 1Reading the book Siblings Without Rivalry.Did this help you?
- 2Attempting to keep the children separated.Did this help you?
- 3Enforcing strict no-hitting rules and placing them on a timeout step.Did this help you?
- 4Separating the children to let them calm down before discussing the incident.Did this help you?
- 5Having a calm conversation with each child separately to address their specific role in the fight.Did this help you?
- 6Avoiding long-term grounding in favor of a lecture and enforced apologies so the kids don't feel the need to lie to avoid being stuck in their room.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I know, I know - the real answer is “you can’t”, but my wife and I are at our wits end.”source ↗
“The refereeing is near constant and no matter how much separation it keeps happening.”source ↗
“He got upset and pushed the oldest in his face. My oldest not knowing his newfound puberty streak busted him in his jaw.”source ↗
“I dont want resentment between them for what happened. My youngest can't act that way and not expect consequences. My oldest needs to know hes big now.”source ↗
“I grew up in an abusive home. By their age I knew violence. Im not going to have them on that path.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 9How to handle extreme physical aggression between siblings
- 9How to handle sibling rivalry when kids compete in the same activities
- 9When should you step in during kids' arguments?
- 7Older child acting out and getting jealous after new baby
- 8Why teachers can't break up school fights
- 3How to handle family schedules when siblings refuse to attend practices