What to do when your toddler hits and calls you names
Young children often express intense anger during tantrums by hitting, headbutting, and using shocking insults or threats against their parents. Standard consequences and negative reinforcement usually backfire, making the child even angrier instead of stopping the behavior.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
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What to do when your toddler hits and calls you names
- 1Silently walking away to avoid giving them the reaction they wantDid this help you?
- 2Using a sticker chart or reward systemDid this help you?
- 3Using negative reinforcement by taking away activitiesDid this help you?
- 4Catching the child's hand before the strike connects and explicitly stating 'no, we do not hit'.Did this help you?
- 5Telling the child 'I’m not going to let you hit me' in a calm, clear voice.Did this help you?
- 6Stepping back to observe and giving the toddler space to feel upset until they calm down.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My 2 year old just hit me during a tantrum.”source ↗
“What do you do when your toddler starts hitting? He’s done it a few times before but never this badly. It genuinely hurt and shocked me.”source ↗
“my 4yo calls me and his dad names like Poophead or Buttfart or Bad Mama/Bad Dada when he is mad at us, multiple times a day.”source ↗
“he also says “I will make you dead” or “I’ll kill you” and sometimes headbutts or hits.”source ↗
“negative reinforcement (”if you don’t stop hitting, we can’t go to the party”) works even worse, it just makes him madder”source ↗
Where this came up
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