How to set firmer consequences without losing positive discipline
Positive discipline often leaves kids feeling like they can break rules without facing any real downside. When parents try to shift toward firmer repercussions for serious actions like property damage, they struggle to balance accountability with gentle dialogue, leaving them unsure how to discipline effectively.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from September 2026.
- It is not one crowd: 2 people on Reddit and 1 on Stack Exchange ran into the same thing.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Explaining responsibilities and tying the failure to fulfill them to a loss of privileges or natural consequences like paying for replacements out of an allowance.Did this help you?
- 2Having the child pay for repairs out of their allowanceDid this help you?
- 3Splitting the cost of damages between parent and childDid this help you?
- 4Having the child write an apology noteDid this help you?
- 5Taking the child out for ice cream instead of giving a harsh punishmentDid this help you?
- 6Focusing on having a discussion about alternative ways to respond rather than issuing disciplineDid this help you?
- 7Making a consequence chart to have a pre-planned strategyDid this help you?
- 8Removing toys, taking away screen time, or doing time-outsDid this help you?
- 9Writing phrases repeatedly and doing verbal apologiesDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I got my first ever behavioral note for my daughter. She is 13. She kicked a hole in a wall at school and I know that sounds bad.”source ↗
“My daughter kicked the wall and said “look at this then”, and put a hole in it. She says she did not intend to make a hole.”source ↗
“We have offered to pay for damages (and she offered to pay from her allowance).”source ↗
“I know her reaction was not 100% appropriate, but I feel like this is more a conversation than discipline?”source ↗
“when I’m in the moment, I feel stuck with trying to come up with a proper, effective consequence.”source ↗
“But now we seem to be in a new era where they know they can break a rule and nothing bad will happen.”source ↗
“I'm not too worried about that, but I feel like we're moving into new territory where there needs to be firmer repercussions for their actions.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 5How to discipline students when admin provides no support
- 5Why does my child get angry when I praise them?
- 10Fear of retaliation from admin for removing disruptive students
- 3When kids use logic and consequences to blackmail parents
- 4How to deal with strict school rules when you're naturally relaxed
- 14Why does my child behave at school but act out at home?