Said It Here

How to set firmer consequences without losing positive discipline

Positive discipline often leaves kids feeling like they can break rules without facing any real downside. When parents try to shift toward firmer repercussions for serious actions like property damage, they struggle to balance accountability with gentle dialogue, leaving them unsure how to discipline effectively.

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

  1. 1
    Explaining responsibilities and tying the failure to fulfill them to a loss of privileges or natural consequences like paying for replacements out of an allowance.
  2. 2
    Having the child pay for repairs out of their allowance
  3. 3
    Splitting the cost of damages between parent and child
  4. 4
    Having the child write an apology note
  5. 5
    Taking the child out for ice cream instead of giving a harsh punishment
  6. 6
    Focusing on having a discussion about alternative ways to respond rather than issuing discipline

In their words

Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.

“I got my first ever behavioral note for my daughter. She is 13. She kicked a hole in a wall at school and I know that sounds bad.”source ↗

“My daughter kicked the wall and said “look at this then”, and put a hole in it. She says she did not intend to make a hole.”source ↗

“We have offered to pay for damages (and she offered to pay from her allowance).”source ↗

“I know her reaction was not 100% appropriate, but I feel like this is more a conversation than discipline?”source ↗

Old-Razzmatazz3174 · r/Parenting · 44 upvotes

“But now we seem to be in a new era where they know they can break a rule and nothing bad will happen.”source ↗

“I'm not too worried about that, but I feel like we're moving into new territory where there needs to be firmer repercussions for their actions.”source ↗

Cdn_Dev · Parenting Stack Exchange · 9 upvotes

Where this came up

Parenting Stack Exchanger/Parentingchild behaviordisciplinefamilyparentingteenagers

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